Spicy Chicken Wings For Moi

i can't let things go

2009-09-10T12:58:36Z

I am not Franny so I am not above doing this. :)

Friends are NOT there to fund your nights out or your habits or your paintings. We are not even here to FEED YOU. It is not your friends' responsibility to take care of you financially. I don't care if you are "gipit na gipit lang ngayon eh". I wouldn't even care if you were eating from a garbage can. Guess what? We're not even that close! And it is not my job to help you!

I IM you after a year of... basically not having anything to do with each other and the first thing you ask is "can I borrow money?" What am I? An idiot? If you have money to commute to Cubao X all the way from Laguna and drink with your richer (or just more decent) friends, then you have money to feed your ass. You'd even have money to buy AIR, if you needed to.

I don't know why the hell you need so much money. You aren't paying for electricity, water, food, Internet, rent, you don't even pay for your education. So either your friends are funding your partying, etc. or your obviously super amazing, super lucrative, and super important contributions to "art" are really, really, REALLY expensive to make.

So nope, I don't feel sorry for you. No matter how many big words you use ("gipit", "walang-wala", "kailangan", "hindi pa kasi nagpapadala mga magulang ko ng allowance ko dahil end of the month pa dapat e").

Five hundred pesos is not a lot of money but it's the principle of the fucking thing. You could owe me ten pesos and I'd still be bitching. The way I see it, if your parents have money to give you a brand new Mac Pro, I'm sure they can also afford to not only pay back the money you owe half of Quezon City, but also, you know, your obviously extravagant LIFESTYLE.

It's too bad that you had to borrow from the anal retentive teller of truth who is ME.

BTW, folks, he owes Fran a lot more than that but obviously, I'm the only one with the balls to ask for her money back *rolls eyes*.

I cannot believe that people like this actually exist. Akala ko sa pelikula lang 'to nangyayari (i.e. Kung Ako Na Lang Sana, Direk Joey Reyes). May mga tao palang ganito ka-kadire. Nagi-invi pa sa YM ang lolo niyo! Kaloka! Also, kadire!

Huy! Bayaran mo naman yung MGA utang mo! Magkaron ka naman ng respeto sa mga kaibigan mo! More importantly, magkaron ka naman ng HIYA. Grabe lang!

*****

Oh, by the way, I also am not above humiliating you. However, I WILL call this a public service. For, you know, the other people you're probably going to steal money from in the future.

Fran: Friends are like potatoes. If you eat them, they will die.

Aeon: Friends are like ATMs. If you beg them for money even though you have neither a working account nor human decency, they will... oh wait.

the mantra

2009-09-02T16:29:40Z

I am not ugly I am not ugly I am not ugly I am not ugly I am not ugly I am not ugly

I may be fat and ill-proportioned! But at least my face, when made up and lit well enough, is somewhat photogenic.

Today, my alarm once again failed to wake me up so I instead spent the day reading and hating myself. And then I went to The Fort and bought new make-up from Face Shop. I have to go on another shopping trip because the brown lipstick I got doesn't go with the pink blush. I AM LEARNING PEOPLE! And I think I now have foundation that doesn't make me look like a ghost. I'll have to see what it looks like in daylight, however.

*****

Sheldon and I are PERFECT for each other.

Lara 2.0

2009-08-02T13:39:43Z

I am really loving this new Kulot!

Today, we embarked on a very long and fruitful Topshop adventure, first at The Fort, and then at Powerplant. She bought shoes and leggings and I bought the same shoes, a onesie, and three blouses. Don't judge me! They were on an unbelievable Buy 1 Take 1 sale.

I am very happy. Thank you, Papa, for the shopping money. :D

Validation

2009-06-23T16:39:57Z

Let me begin by saying JHANINE IS STILL ONE OF THE BEST FRIENDS ANYONE COULD HAVE EVEN THOUGH SHE'S MILES AWAY. Thank you for the flowers, love. You are terribly missed over here.

Also, thanks to everyone who came despite classes the next day, etc. Thanks, Sands! Finally, a "yes" from you.

It's kind of insane how Regla Poetry is actually a proper name now. Surreal, I think, is the word. People actually CAME to our poetry reading! And we're getting invited to stuff! I quite like the privacy of Poetry Night but I guess there's no harm in sharing parts of it with the world.

Deux Ko Po was actually kind of fun, although I still hated having to go on stage and do things other than read aloud.

My girls (that includes Joma) are made of pag-ibig.

Aleli and I had to leave early because we both had 8:30 classes the next day and since she was being all asthmatic, I had to drive her home. We were talking of course and I unconsciously drifted onto the wrong lane. I was trying to shift to the other one when a traffic guy motioned for us to stop. I was a little annoyed because I'd taken that road a million times before and the stoplight that signals left never mattered. Anyway, I rolled down my window and the guy told me what I'd done wrong and then looked at us again for three seconds, and decided we were too pretty to get ticketed.

Let it be known that it was MY face that was better lit and Aleli was just a prop. :)

Well, there you go. Never mind that I'm a whale from the neck down. My face is still pretty in the dark!

So what if I was wearing make-up!

Deux Ko Po!

2009-06-21T04:24:15Z

While most people our age were out shopping, eating, getting high, desecrating public infrastructures, and having sex, we spent our Saturday preparing for this:

Poetry, coffee, cigarettes, and six people who get along. It don't get any bettah than dat.

I hope you guys can make it. This means a lot to us. We started Regla Poetry so we'd have an excuse to get together and drink but I guess going out and sharing it with the world isn't such a bad idea. :)

So This Is Love Hmm-mm-hmm-mm...

2009-05-31T18:27:45Z

PAG-IBIG NA 'TO. TUNAY NA PAG-IBIG NA 'TO.

Most of my summers are spent lying in bed and contemplating suicide if only to escape the relentless heat.

These days, my heart and my sweat glands are more resilient. I think I have Regla Poetry (Sasha, Lar, Jomae, and Aleling) to thank for this newfound will to live.

Tuesday night, this happened.

Pau and Miggy, who live in Marikina, don't drive, and don't really care all that much about theatre or public poetry recitation, commuted to Malate on a late weeknight to give support. Some people Just Can, I now realize.

I can hardly believe Tuesday night really happened and that I came out of it more than alive.

And as if my life weren't fabulous enough, Friday was spent shopping at Trinoma, driving, driving, dressing up, breaking shoes in, driving, bickering, considering the undignified existence of Fashion Wowowee (did i spell that right?), drooling over models who didn't know how to walk, and then driving some more.

1 AM found us at a parking lot in god knows where, drinking Starbucks, trying to ignore the rain, and reciting poetry.

I know I don't need to say it but it was a beautiful night.

*****

I was taking a nap this afternoon when I dreamt that a man came in through the window and tried to rape me. I was too frightened to scream or move or breathe and I was trying very hard to do just ONE of these. Thank god I was able to force myself to wake up before anything actually happened. If that's how rape victims feel, then it's kind of a miracle that some of them choose to continue living at all.

I was shaking when I woke up and it took me a few moments of paranoid perusal of my surroundings to convince myself that it wasn't real.

cabin fever

2009-05-02T19:48:01Z

SO.

I have not been out in DAYS. I have had little to no contact with the girls+Joma in kind of an ETERNITY. And I am going INSANE.

Just now, I found myself giggling about a momol fantasy. I don't even want sex. I just wanna have a wild make out session at work (reference: Kelly and Ryan from this month's bout of The Office madness). It's just so sad that I have neither lover nor employment. My fantasies would be so much easier to achieve if I had either. Sigh. Longer legs would be helpful too.

*****

Two hours ago, I was researching egg sandwich recipes. :| If that doesn't tell you anything, then maybe I can drive you to the mad house where I will park FOREVER.

And then I went downstairs, found a homemade chicken sandwich spread and worked with that seeing as I neither knew how to boil eggs nor do anything else with them anyway. Actually, I don't really know how to operate kitchen appliances that aren't the oven toaster.

I NEED REGLA! The place, not the monthly bleeding.

*****

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sa Lahat ng mga Torpe

2009-01-18T19:39:20Z

Para 'to sa kung sino mang anonymous GAGO yung umendeavor sa'kin nung isang gabi sa YM. Pati na rin sa lahat ng mga babaeng sawang-sawa na sa mga chope.

Anonymous Assholes

Friday night, I came home to YM invites from a username I did not recognize. I denied the invites (all three of them) and sent a "who's this" message.

For the sake of convenience, I shall now refer to this person by the acronym "TUN" from his/her ID, "theunspeakablename".

TUN finally instant messaged me with “chance pls” TWICE, instead of properly introducing himself (or herself?). And because I am honest like that, I replied with “uh. no. this is kind of gross.”

The next few messages were blocks of text featuring the words “love”, “hurt”, “darkness”, and “suicide”. I thought it was a joke at first, a prank one of my friends was cruelly playing on me. They knew how much I hated melodramatic people who think that eloquence requires making everything sound like lyrics from one of those growly rock bands I hate. I wouldn’t put it past Lara or any of those bitches.

But then it began to sound more and more like one of those Cry For Help things, and as fate would have it, I was simultaneously having a conversation with a friend whose other friend had recently committed suicide. So I decided I’d indulge TUN. This wasn’t benevolence on my part. I just didn’t want his (or her) seemingly impending doom to be on MY shoulders.

I was not prepared for the angst-ridden professions of love that soon emerged from the lake of melancholic, unwelcome instant messages. TUN “just wanted a chance.” I wasn’t following at first so I replied with things like, “what?”, “a chance at what?”, “why’d you choose me to talk to?” (because really, if TUN was just looking for a shoulder to cry on, he should have known better than to come to ME), and finally, “a chance… you mean, with me?” Or something like that.

Something like an hour later, I realized that TUN was the kind of person who really just wasn’t worth my time. Not because he seemed to be in love with drama more than he was supposedly in love with me or because I had unwatched episodes of Sex and the City sitting on my hard drive, not even because anonymously messaging someone because you’re too chicken to let your feelings become known is just plain pathetic, but because there was just no talking him out of… whatever form of misery he thought was plaguing him.

To make this long story short, I finally gave TUN my favorite advice: Get over yourself. He ended the conversation with, “goodbye kim… I love you…” I’m assuming he meant “goodbye forever.” That was totally fine. I honestly couldn’t care if I tried.

So now, here’s where I become insightful. When did guys (forgive the sexism, already. I guess this can apply to girls as well) start thinking that doing shit like this is cool? Because it’s not. It’s cruel, unfair, and ridiculous. Girls don’t appreciate the cowardly method! It makes us lose sleep thinking, who could possibly be in love with me? or could it be this person that I actually like like back? And then you expect us to CARE. Which we want to, seriously, but we are literally unable to because WE. DON’T. FREAKING. KNOW. WHO. YOU. ARE.

And don't tell us you aren't asking for anything. You're asking for a lot, actually. Your leaving us anonymous messages is asking for our time, our patience, and also, our inevitable curiosity. We WANT to be flattered, we WANT to know if the sender has potential, and we WANT to feel important. Therefore, the mystery is unappreciated and is killing us.

Really, TUN, what did you hope to accomplish by wasting my time? The whole point of letting someone know you love them is so they can decide whether or not to reject you. Or think of you fondly and without bitterness. Or remember you as someone who made them feel as if your life was different because they existed. How can we do any of that if you’re too selfish to let us be touched by your personal admission?

Also, since when was it considered flattery to tell someone you can’t let them know who loves them because they’re intimidating (THIS FUCKING WORD SHOULD JUST BE CROSSED OFF FROM EVERYONE'S VOCABULARY)?

I have fabulous friends. I wear outrageous clothes. I laugh loudly. I’m blunt, emotional, and sarcastic. I love me and I’m not afraid to say it! Now, you are telling me that I am incapable of diving into a relationship because, with confidence and wit as my weapons, I strike fear into the hearts of men. Why would you make me feel bad for being me, which is someone who is happy and perfectly satisfied with who she is?

I am single, happy, and in love with life, but yes, sometimes I wish life weren’t the only thing I could be in love with. How dare you even assume that I cannot possibly feel human once in awhile? I’m not the one who’s bogarting the ‘chances’ here. I am not judgmental. YOU ARE!

This is not the first time a “secret admirer” has left me anonymous messages. Frankly, this alarms me. Anonymous profession of love is neither flattering nor affirming. Not for the professor and definitely not for the unfortunate professee.

Contrary to popular belief, us intimidating people have hearts too. And we therefore also have feelings. And by basically telling us that we are not worth your honesty, your boldness, and your courage, you are hurting those feelings. It makes us believe that we are being punished for being intelligent, confident, and funny, and that we will forever be unworthy of romance just because we love ourselves and think we deserve to be respected as human beings.

Us girls appreciate audaciousness once in awhile. We’re not all cold-blooded reptiles who will laugh at your blatant display of love and admiration. Believe it or not, we can sense your sincerity. And we can also smell Jerk a mile away. And we have the right to not only turn you down but also to consider you as an actual option. Society already gave you men the taking-the-initiative part. Please don’t take away the deciding part from us women. We can’t consider you if we don’t know who you are.

Why did TUN have to arouse my curiosity, you say? Perhaps it is because he knew he couldn’t arouse anything else that belongs to me, seeing as he was obviously lacking the proper tools in that department.

Seriously, if we can’t attach a face to your chosen aliases, we don’t freaking care. And we don’t freaking have to know that you’re totally in love with us. If you don’t have the balls to tell us, with all your heart, with all honesty, and face-to-face, that you like like us, then get off the fucking Internet and stop sending us cryptic messages already- seriously, I don’t fucking care what you do as long as I don’t know about it. Go update your Super Secret Blog, go and cry to your enabler friends, go pocket our tissues after we leave, go grab our pictures from Facebook, go collect the gum and the cigarette butts we spit out, go put our pictures under your pillow, go fantasize about us in the shower, masturbate, play with yourself, find Nemo, wank, jack off, jerk off, beat off, whack off, just PLEASE. SHUT THE FUCK UP.

Feel free to link this around or repost (with proper acknowledgment please). I'm aggravated enough to take this on as my personal challenge to reform idiots all over the world.

*He (or she) called me Kim Al in the first invite. CASTpers, which one of you suddenly turned into a straight guy or a gay girl?

cars and little brothers

2008-09-25T14:14:39Z

the next time you take my car, and use mine and lara's gas, and damage my CDs, don't you fucking tell ME that i'm being unreasonable for being furious.

you wasted two hours of my life because shit i needed for homework and other school-related things were in that car.

you did not bring a cell phone.

when you sneak away in the middle of the night and take my car, do you ever look into the backseat? my clothes are strewn about. readings are on the floor. my slate is under the driver's seat. there is a toothbrush in the cup holder. things i NEED are in that car. because everyday, i drive it. sometimes, i read in it. sometimes, i study in it. sometimes, i edit in it. sometimes, i mix music in it. sometimes, i even fucking sleep in it. thus, i think it's pretty reasonable to feel as if my personal space has been violated.

so when i find out that you drove it to... some... place, and i can't ask you when you'll be back because you didn't bring your cell phone, and i'm worried because you don't have a license and if you get pulled over, they will take MY license plate, and i don't want to ~~or no one will let me~~ drive the other cars so i will be car-less for days, DON'T YOU FUCKING TELL ME THAT I SHOULDN'T YELL AT YOU.

you don't spend for gas that i and lara sometimes pay for. you're in high school and have no right to be gallivanting about at night. you don't have a license. and you have no real need for taking my car because there are OTHER CARS THAT ARE SHARED BY THIS FAMILY THAT EVERYBODY IS ALLOWED TO DRIVE.

even though it turns out that you were driven by the driver, my point remains. I HAVE EVERY GODDAMN RIGHT TO BE FURIOUS.

*****

MY CDs. the scratches will never go away because you decided that putting them back into their proper cases was just. too. much. effort.

*****

everybody whose siblings screw them over, say aye!

franny again!

2008-09-07T15:03:16Z

HAPPY BIRTHDAY AGAIN onlyyyyyy!!!!!

dear franny,
you are one of the most awesome people i know.
i can't imagine how anyone could be cooler.
you are SO FRICKEN' TALENTED and incredible
and even though you like, go to Church and
like, pray
i don't think you're an annoying fundie at all.

please always be my friend!

love,
wendy (pag-ibig onlyyyyyy!!!!)

a franny weekend

2008-09-06T16:36:11Z

HAPPY BIRTHDAY FRANNY!!!!!!
we love you very, very much.

franny's magic bed helped me get better! when i woke up, my fever was gone and my headache was gone and my cough was... a little better and my nose was clogged up but no longer a faucet of sickness and disease.

things i learned about franny:

1. she thinks 9 AM is LATE.

2. we can laugh together for ruhl for ruhl.

3. she is capable of anger and dislike.

4. SHE PROCRASTINATES!!!!

5. she keeps chopping boards in random corners.

6. she will give you her artwork if you ask in UNEXPECTED MOMENTS.

7. making posters is hard!

8. ceiling fans are the shit.

9. she is a very cute sleeper.

10. SHE OWNS THE MESSIEST DESKTOP IN THE WORLD.

thanks fran! I WILL SLEEP OVER AGAIN WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT.

*****

HAPPY BIRTHDAY FRANNNNNNNNNNNN! KEES!

sicker!

2008-09-04T03:43:47Z

i think i feel worse today than i did yesterday.

obviously, i am not in my PE class. i can't believe i have to be at school this afternoon though! STUPID FEVER. if yesterday, i might have been imagining a rise in temperature, today i am indisputably a human furnace.

wala pa naman sa hallucination level BUT I THINK I'M GETTING THERE.

please Beings that Govern the Universe, don't make me drive to and from school today. i will diiiiiieeeee.

*****

is anyone feeling sorry for me yet?

sick!

2008-09-03T10:56:21Z

i feel horrible.

last night, the little dangly thing in the back of my mouth- i'm blaming my bio illiteracy on sickness and disease, k- looked like it was going to burst and release questionable fluids. it hurt, too.

i ignored it, of course.

and now i feel like shit. i'm too sick to even think, i think. but that is thinking so maybe i'm not too sick to think. I AM CONFUSING MYSELF NAU.

when i woke up this morning feeling more than a little under the weather, i was like, no bitch fever's going to stop me from gittin' my educashunnn.

by the end of my first class, i was ready to go home. let it be said that i hated having to skip anthro and film 112!

the drive home was... hazy. it was kind of like a dream, except i was neither asleep nor high. i couldn't decide whether it was too cold to turn the air-conditioner on or too hot to roll down the windows. in retrospect, i guess it's kind of a miracle that i got me and the car home in... two respective pieces.

my head hurts, i can't taste food, my eyes hurt, and i am so hot that if angelina jolie stood beside me, she'd lose her career.

*****

ack.

only selfless love

2008-08-31T10:54:40Z

ganito malaman kung sino ang tunay mong kaibigan:

1. hindi pa pumuputok ang araw, gising na sila para sa'yo

2. matutulog lang sila kapag sinabi mo. kahit kakaakyat pa lang ng araw

3. pagkain at, kung suwerte, yosi lang ang kapalit ng serbisyo nila

4. ihahatid ka nila kahit mahal na ang gasolina

5. magpupunas, magwawalis, maghuhugas, at magliligpit sila sa shoot mo kahit na ang sarili nilang kuwarto, mukhang museo ng basura

6. hindi ka nila sisigawan kahit na asar na asar sila dahil may nawalang t-shirt nila, o tsinelas, o pantalon, o panyo, o panty

7. kahit napiprito na sila dahil tanghaling tapat ang outdoor shoot mo, pipiliin nilang maglatag ng ice cream na hindi pa nila puwedeng kainin sa semento kaysa tumengga sa loob, kung saan may aircon/electric fan at walang araw

8. kumukulot na ang buhok nila dahil sa pagbabago-bago ng isip mo pero hindi sila humihingi ng pampa-rebond

9. ultimo linggo, kung kailan kahit ang Diyos ay nagpahinga, hindi nila sasantuhin para tulungan ka

10. dahil lang sinabi mong kailangan mo sila, pipiliin ka nila kahit huling concert na ng paborito nilang banda

11. kahit sa'ng lupalop ng Pilipinas sila nakatira, may kotse o wala, umulan man o umaraw, darating sila kapag kailangan mo sila dahil

12. mayroon silang isang salita

*****

ayoko nang pag-usapan pa ang Eheads concert (na natigil kagabi) dahil nalulungkot lang ako. nasabi ko na yata lahat ng gusto kong sabihin sa mga taong may pakialam at naiintindihan kung gaano ko kagustong pumunta sana don. pabayaan niyo na lang akong magmukmok ng ilang araw.

*****

ang problema sa ibang tao, hanggang Dito lang ang pupuntahan kahit hanggang Doon pa ang kayang lakarin. Ito Lang ang ibibigay kahit Meron Pa sa bulsa.

ayan tayo e.

dear kim

2008-08-30T13:04:36Z

i still can't believe franny and i aren't at that concert.

i am about five minutes away from The Fort and just knowing that this band that forged my principles as a young person is playing for the last time and not being able to go see them is just. a really. terrible. thing.

in the middle of a shoot that didn't need me, i got into my car and called franny and i cried a little but not really and for the rest of the day, i was pretty much bummed. it didn't help that sandee managed to get hold of tickets (special ones too).

knowing that she is there and i am here is just kind of killing me. i know i should be happy for her and that i should be texting her exclamation points right now but to be honest, i can't help but resent her a bit just because i am so miserable right now.

pagdating ko rito sa bahay, tinawagan ko si fran at humagulgol na may kasamang hikbi dahil sobrang bad trip talaga na wala ako sa concert na 'yon. FRAN AND I DESERVE TO BE THERE.

i am also disappointed at the way the band and its producers treated the fans. not that it makes my missing the concert that much easier to bear with but still.

Eraserheads, wala kayong kanta na hindi tumulong sa paghubog ng pagkatao ko.

nang kantahin nila ang Kaliwete, napagtanto ko na ok lang gamitin ang salitang 'kubeta'.

nang dahil sa Pare Ko, nalaman ko kung ano ang kolehiyala at kung gaano sila kahirap ligawan.

nang dahil sa Magasin, natuto akong aminin na may mga taong pangit at may mga taong maganda at may mga bagay na mas importante sa pagmumukha.

dahil sa Huwag Kang Matakot, nalaman ko kung ano ang tinatawag na 'harmony'

sa pakikinig sa With a Smile, natuto akong huwag masyadong seryosohin ang sarili ko.

sa Julie Tearjerky, natuto akong tumanggap ng mga ingles na kanta na gawa ng Pinoy.

at dahil sa Sembreak, natuwa ako sa pangalan ko at natuto akong bigyan ng malaking halaga ang pagkakaibigan.

Eraserheads, alam niyo ba na hindi ko nilalagay ang lahat ng mga kanta ninyo sa iPod ko dahil lalo akong nalulungkot kapag napapakinggan ko sila ng sunod-sunod at alam kong kaunti lang sila?

alam niyo ba na sa tuwing naririnig ko ang Tollgate, naiiyak pa rin ako? kahit saan, kahit kailan, napapaiyak ako ng huling kanta niyo.

tapos ngayon, tumutugtog kayo at si franny at iPod lang ang karamay ko.

*****

ako, heto pa rin, nababato.

it's just no good

2008-08-28T12:27:05Z

SO LIKE CAN I HAVE JUST ONE DAY AT HOME PLZ. =))

i had a terrace moment last friday at lara's shoot. i was mentally listing all the things i had to do for school and before i knew it, my eyes were tearing up. just before the first whimper, i said aloud, i ain't never cried about school and i'm not starting now. and then i laughed.

if i am stressed, i'm handling it pretty fucking well.

every week, i tell myself, just get through today/this week and then you'll be fine. it will be chilling with mah ipod timez. optimistic only! because apparently, IT NEVER ENDS. i quite like being busy, however! it's kind of... adult-y and important-y.

weekends no longer exist! the last time i stayed home just to watch Family Guy or to read or to listen to music was... what, like a million years ago? HYPERBOLE ONLY! and the last time i spent time with my best friend was more than three months ago. is that not the saddest thing ever??? i mean, if we see each other once every three months, that's a total of 4 TIMES A FREAKING YEAR! amazing! but wait, there's more! we haven't really made any plans so three months could actually turn into four and that's a third of a year and if you're really good at math, that'll be once every 14 weeks. RIGHT.

did someone actually compute? we find out...

NOW.

but then i get home and pau-pau and dash are here and when they say "tita kim!" it's like i'd been gone for YEARS and suddenly, everything is SO okay.

*****

so today, sandee and i had lunch at xocolat, where we talked so little that i'm surprised nothing was awkward. friendship only! i think the parking misadventure was a little annoying and a little funny. i go for girl drivers must have their own parking spaces EVERYWHERE. and they have to be pink. GENDER CONDITIONING ONLY.

anyhoo, i skipped philo so lara, aleli, and i could do our first accounting. the numbers are something i don't like to think about even if it's not my money we're spending. and then we ate at teriyaki boy and lara paid. again.

pebbles, i love you and i love that you feed us, but please, TIPID TIPID TIPID. you are no longer allowed to make libre, you know, treat, anyone else to ANYTHING. except for when we're at a lara shoot. duh.

*****

oh oh oh

i want my sexy panty

2008-08-16T04:45:46Z

last night at a white sauce dinner my kuya paul made...

mama: ibinili na kita ng panty shields.

me: huh? ma, 'di po ako nagpapanty shields.

mama: (irritated) ha? e nagpabili si flor e. flor? flor!

flor: ma'am?

mama: kanino ba 'tong panty shields!

flor: kay kim po...

me: hindi ako nagpapanty shields. naiirritate ako e. baka kay ate 'yan, ma.

flor: humingi po kasi noon si ma'am joyce...

mama: ang alam ko nga allergic 'tong si kim e. blah blah blah...

kuya jod: akin 'yan.

:|

*****

riot dito sa bahay bilang andito sina kuya paul, dash, at pau-pau. ang saya-sayaaaaa. hahah.

aydonwannatokboutskewl except that i have a midterm exam at four today.

spirit of the sasha kabaklaang fatale

2008-08-04T14:37:33Z

an email exchange went like this:

Fri, Aug 1, 2008 at 11:53 PM, kim <kbalcoreza@yahoo.com> wrote:
dear sandee,

nararamdaman kong unti-unti ka nang nalalayo sa akin. hinahanap ka ng aking puso. ang pagkawala mo ay nagdudulot sa akin ng labis na pagdurusa.

KERI. ok, tama na ang lokohan ano?

ok, so i endeavor as PM for lara's thesis, keri? apparently, as i am somewhat musically inclined, i am beethoven for the score as well. SO, we kemer your song Medicine for the first sequence, which is about childhood traumations. the Mr. DJ by sharon cuneta in Kaputol ng Isang Awit, a.k.a. recording session, will be sometime in september.

also, since you are joseph pascual spirit, lara wants me to endeavor you for some of the animation kemers. could that be a keri? you will be photographing mostly food. that is moving. the way only animated food can move. lara, being her fab kulot self, has a schedule that puts your tuchang to shame. everything is kind of tentative. BUT the shoots will be done weekends, IDEALLY. if your schedule allows, would you be willing to kemefy?

that is all.

your tigang lover,
kimbee

P.S.
i know that i am not friends with jin and mathematically, neither is joseph, but my baklur needs a madonna red kimono costume thing on monday and if, by any chance, it is possible to borrow such a kemer... please let me know.

thank you!

From: This sender is DomainKeys verified"Sandra"
To: kbalcoreza@yahoo.com

-----Inline Attachment Follows-----

CAN YOU PLEASE SPEAK ENGLISH

~insert rest of boring reply here~

*****

today was lara's first thesis shoot at the successfully endeavored bakery, tambay with dvd technical failures at joma's, and Boses and Ranchero with sasha and the two baklas previously mentioned.

we are tired.

*****

if we're sailing along
on moonlight bay

duck tip

2008-08-03T15:08:20Z

this afternoon, in the middle of a telephone conversation ~~with ilsa~~, i received an anonymous tip ~~from ilsa~~. apparently, Peking Garden had opened a branch in TriNoma.

you do not know what this meant to my family.

five minutes later, i had orchestrated a massive dinner at a mall most of my family had never been to.

we all missed the peking duck. oh. my. god. since the glorietta bombing, we'd all been complaining about the lack of duck fat in our family diet; it is called the Alcoreza Happy Cholesterol, All-Protein, Carnivore Diet. we are working on a recipe book.

only the dennis alcoreza branch was missing.

afterwards, my siblings, nephew, and i had dessert at Cafe Breton, for more familiar comfort food times, and my parents went home with my niece.

and now i'm home. :D

tech support

2008-08-02T13:53:52Z

PUNYETA.

so i was without a computer for three days and two nights because last week, Envy decided to engage in very strange behavior. it lost the ability to hibernate which meant that when my battery ran low, this piece of shit would just turn itself off, unsaved files and all. what the fuck was i supposed to do? check the fucking battery? bitch, no.

as soon as i was done with editing and other random homework, i took Envy to the shop to get fixed. i explained to them, in much detail, "there is something wrong with this piece of shit you sold me. it will not hibernate. it will not notify me when the battery runs low." i signed a few things and left my precious prodigal, all too fancy MacBook Pro to their care.

a DAY later, i got a text from them asking ma'am what the fuck is wrong with the piece of shit we sold you again? sory, we forgetz :) so like, i replied right and they told me that all it needed was a software update and i wanted to scream if it were just a software fucking update, why would you assume that i hadn't been keeping my mac applications updated?

later, i texted them about my airport issues: btw, why won't that piece of shit pick up signal from my room? other macbooks work fine. I'VE TESTED THEM.

this morning, they told me Envy was fine and when i asked them what they did to fix everything, all i got were the fucking software update solutions. but they were the experts so i said, well, what the heck. maybe they're right. i might've missed a few updates? so I DROVE to podium, paid the goddamn sixty pesos for their lame-ass, hazardous, GRAVEL-paved, open parking, was in the mall for a total of three minutes, and went about my day.

and it actually wasn't bad. there was trinoma with joseph, aleli, and joma, mine and fran's job interview at cubao X, and a wonderful, fairly quiet drive to katipunan, where i dropped fran off at a party and i finally returned my long overdue borrowed CDs to Video City. i spent a total of fifty-five pesos for parking. let's not talk about gas.

and then tonight, i decided i would check if my computer was indeed fine. airport was still acting insane but i remained calm because WELL, THEY UPDATED MY SOFTWARE AND I KNEW THAT WASN'T GOING TO HELP THIS THING'S AIRPORT. why i said nothing, i have no idea.

to test the 'power outage' problem, i didn't plug the computer in and YM, ff.net, livejournal, amazon, an iChat attempt, and an hour later, the little battery icon on my screen had the little red bar. i held my breath and...

Envy cut its own power and died.

you will not believe how angry i am.

apparently, the people i entrusted Envy to did not check if it was indeed fixed. they also assumed that i did not know what the heck i was doing because if they did, they would have done more than update my fucking software. do they not think i googled for solutions to these TINY dilemmas?

i should ask them to reimburse my gas and parking money and have them work on two of the papers i have to submit for school just to make up for everything in my life they fucking wasted.

*****

SHIT.

marthaaaaa

2008-07-30T15:14:28Z

MEGA BELATED HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHUUUUUUCH!!!!!!!!

malapit nang magdalawang araw kang bente. ewwwww!

NOOOOOOO

2008-07-30T02:11:35Z

I MISSED MY FIRST CLASS.

THERE WAS A QUIZ.

stupid lame cell phone alarm!

conviction

2008-07-09T16:30:48Z

i wish i could be more like kevin, who is basically conviction on two feet (si aleli nagsabi nito, k).

anyway, today, we had to present our photo essays to class. mine didn't turn out as bad as i thought it would, considering i only learned to switch on a fucking dslr last week. about 90% of my pictures were out of focus NYAHAH! but some were good enough to submit so i'm not complaining.

concept wise, i didn't do too badly (it was the execution that was my problem LOL). unfortunately, even worse than my execution was my public speaking problem. my pictures didn't make me look like an idiot but my explanations certainly did. i'm still beating myself up over it.

sasha, who is always right, says i should learn to stand by my work. i'm beating myself up over the fact that i've never had enough conviction to do any of my shit justice. it always seems to me as if nothing i create is ever good enough but then again, one must learn to pretend that one believes in one's work. because if i don't believe in my shit, who the fuck will?

there is a fine line between humility and just plain lacking in balls, i guess.

*****

upon getting home, i dove into bed and was knocked out for about six hours.

sleep is good.

why we blog

2008-06-26T14:11:37Z

i spent the entire day anxious, nervous, and antsy. i just had this gut feeling that something bad was going to happen. it's kind of like when you have stage fright- butterflies in the stomach, shortness of breath, palpitating heart. i was expecting to drive into a wall or a post or something the entire ride home.

well, nobody died and no car accident happened and i'm quite certain that i feel better.

this after a long conversation with my mummy. i don't know. maybe i just really needed to talk to her. we talked about my chosen field and my future and stuff and she assured me that as long as i was loving what i was doing, she respected it and i had her support. things like that, maybe they need to be said. my parents aren't perfect but sometimes, they really come through for me.

*****

The Secret Life of Bees has been kind of depressing. even the moments of joy are melancholic. i like it anyway. there are quite a few beautiful phrases though that i will now share.

Looking at her eyes, I could see a fire inside them. It was a hearth fire you could depend on, you could draw up to and get warm by if you were cold, or cook something on that would feed the emptiness in you. I felt like we were all adrift in the world, and all we had was the wet fire in August's eyes. But it was enough.

and then this one just really stuck...

... it's something everybody wants- for someone to see the hurt done to them and set it down like it matters.

i try to set the hurt down like it matters and this is the truth.

*****

i think my philo prof likes me. heheh. today, i made a joke when he asked me something and everybody laughed and it was the first time i meant to be funny in class and succeeded.

smart and funny, i bet he was thinking. nevermind that my red dress showed off more than my bra everytime i dropped my shoulders.

*****

i'm writing you through

poor teenagers need cars

2008-05-25T07:00:30Z

confusionz! today is jhanine's recital and until about five minutes ago, i didn't know how i was gonna get there.

let me explain. i have four brothers and a sister. excluding the youngest brother, he who is not and has never been married or gotten a real job (vaguely, i wonder if this is because he is only sixteen), they have all been successful enough to afford more than one car. also, i have parents whose lives don't necessarily revolve around us and therefore, have cars of their own.

we have a lot of cars.

so where the fuck are they? i've basically been crippled this week because for some reason, there's not ONE car here that i can drive; ravvy, in jhanine's words, is being pimped (they're changing the transmission and probably repainting my latest... accident); the silver CR-V, which ate jill usually drives, was being painted and is now drying; there's NO WAY kuya would ever let me drive his BMW; the white fortuner suffered a large dent, courtesy of my father's suicidal driver, and is in the shop; the gold one (which actually belongs to kuya dennis) is here but kuya mar forgot to leave the key; ate is using the Echo; and all the other ones are my brothers' or their wives' and none of them would ever trust me with their cars (in all honesty, this is totally justified and understandable).

commuting was often out of the question because of the incredible rains that are clearly only present to spite me, seeing as i was going to go on a hiking trip to sagada and am also planning to learn to bike.

anyway, because i was too lazy to call papa yesterday and ask to have someone bring a car around for us who still call this place home and because impoverished me can't afford cabs right now, i was planning to... walk...? maybe hitchhike to quezon city? i seriously did not know.

but of course, things ALWAYS fall into place. kuya mar finally arrived with the key to the fortuner. now, all i have to figure out his how to get to the place... also, why i'm going to drive even though kuya mar is around... this out of the goodness of my heart because it's his son's birthday?

MEBBEH.

*****

cars. pshaw.